Providing safe spaces across Bradford district for adults experiencing domestic abuse.
We are so glad you’re here.
If you’re reading this, you’re in a Safe Spot. We will help you get the support that you need.
We’ll make sure you have access to a private space where you can use our phone to call family, friends or one of the helplines we have listed.
You are not alone.
An estimated 2.3 million adults (men and women) have experienced domestic abuse in the UK in the last year. That’s 2.3 million people too many; 2.3 million people like you who might also need to find a Safe Spot, and decide on what to do next.
What are your options?
You have full control over what you want to do next. You might just need 10 minutes to yourself to gather your thoughts and that’s ok. You can use a Safe Spot as many times as you need to, until you’re ready to take the next step.
When the time is right, you can phone a helpline, or the police, and access the right support.
Survive and Thrive is the name of the main organisation who helps people who experience domestic abuse in and around the Bradford District. They are a partnership of three charities you may have heard of: Staying Put, Family Action and WomenCentre.
When you phone the Survive and Thrive “One Front Door” helpline on 0808 2800 999, you will be speaking to a highly trained team member. They will listen to your story, ask you questions to find out how best to help you, and then they will give you advice on your next steps.
The team at Survive and Thrive are friendly and kind, and do not judge or doubt you. They are there to hear you and to help you start your journey to a life free from abuse. They will keep everything you say to them confidential.
There are a number of other helplines you can call, and these are listed below.
Helplines
Local
One Front Door helpline:
0808 2800 999
The One Front Door helpline is run by Survive and Thrive and is based in Bradford. One Front Door provides help to anyone who has experienced domestic abuse, regardless of your gender or sexuality.
Their helpline is open Monday – Friday, from 9.30am – 4.30pm and they close for half an hour lunch at 1pm everyday.
One Front Door webchat:
www.stayingput.org.uk
The webchat is available weekdays from 9am – 5pm
Call 999 if you are in immediate danger or it is an emergency.
Men Standing Up helpline:
0300 303 0167
Men standing up is a local charity available to all men experiencing abuse by their current or former partner, including same-sex partners. Their helpline is available weekdays from 9am – 4:30pm.
Men Reaching Out helpline:
01274 731020
Men Reaching Out support all men with any aspect of male domestic abuse. They also have support available to help male victims from South Asian backgrounds. Contact them Monday to Thursday 10am – 3pm.
Ashiana helpline:
0114 255 5740
Ashiana Sheffield has over 30 years’ experience working with Black, Asian, Minority Ethnic and Refugee (BAMER) adults, children and young people fleeing domestic and sexual abuse including forced marriage, human trafficking, female genital mutilation, gang violence and ‘honour’ based violence. Their helpline is open Monday – Friday, 9am – 5pm.
Anah Project helpline:
0845 960 6011
Anah Project is an experienced and confidential support service for BAMER women fleeing any form of abuse. They are based in West Yorkshire, but accept women from all over the UK.
Helplines
National
National Domestic Abuse helpline:
0808 2000 247
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge, and helps women and children who have experienced domestic abuse.
It is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline:
0800 999 5428
The specialist LGBT+ domestic abuse helpline is run by Galop, the LGBT+ anti-abuse charity. It is available weekdays, from 10am – 5pm on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays, and until 8pm on Wednesday and Thursday.
Honour Based Abuse Helpline:
0800 5999 247
The Honour Based Abuse Helpline is run by Karma Nirvana, a charity dedicated to helping those who experience honour-based abuse, or forced marriage. It is based in Leeds, but it covers the whole of the UK.
The helpline is available Monday – Friday from 9am – 5pm.
National Stalking Helpline:
0808 802 0300
The National Stalking Helpline is run by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust.
The helpline is open 9:30am – 4:00pm every weekday apart from Wednesdays.
On Wednesday’s the helpline is open from 9:30am – 8:00pm. The helpline is not open on weekends or bank holidays.
What is domestic abuse?
Everyone’s experience of domestic abuse differs so you may experience one type of inappropriate behaviour or many different types of abuse.
Anyone can experience domestic abuse, regardless of your gender, sexuality, race, religion, nationality or anything else that defines you as a person.
Sadly, millions of people in the UK alone experience domestic abuse. Each person has their own individual experience, and regardless of someone else’s experience, if you are in distress due to the abusive, violent or controlling behaviour of your partner, or ex-partner, or family member then you deserve to be helped.
Nobody deserves abuse. Abuse is not ok, under any circumstances.
The next section hopes to explain the many types of abuse and controlling behaviour; perhaps the abuse that you’re going through. We’re sharing these explanations because we want you to be reassured that it’s not you; it’s not your fault and you’re right to reach out for help.
Definition: Domestic abuse is any incident, or pattern of incidents, of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.
What causes domestic abuse?
There is no excuse for abuse of any kind.
Regardless of what your abuser says to you, nothing you said or did could ever warrant any form of abuse.
But I cheated
We are not perfect. People make mistakes. Cheating on your partner isn’t ok, but that does not give anyone the excuse to abuse you.
But they were abused
Statistics do show that people who experience abuse as children are more likely to end up in abusive relationships – but this is not a defense for abusive actions. Many people work through their experiences and overcome past trauma, using this as justification for their actions is not acceptable and is not an excuse.
But they were drunk
Alcohol and drugs can be a catalyst for abusive behaviour, but they do not cause domestic abuse. Many people use alcohol or drugs and do not abuse their partner – it is not an excuse for abuse or violence.
Forms of domestic abuse
We use the phrase ‘abuse’ rather than ‘violence’ because a lot of domestic abuse isn’t physical. Just because they haven’t hit you doesn’t mean you aren’t suffering.
Below we explain different definitions of abuse to reassure you that you are in the right place, and your feelings are valid.
Psychological abuse
Psychological abuse can also be called emotional or mental abuse, and this is where the abuser uses non-physical actions to manipulate, upset, scare or humiliate you. Psychological abuse is just as damaging and harmful as physical abuse. Coercive control is a form of psychological abuse, and we talk more about that later on in this booklet.
Physical abuse
Psychological abuse can also be called emotional or mental abuse, and this is where the abuser uses non-physical actions to manipulate, upset, scare or humiliate you. Psychological abuse is just as damaging and harmful as physical abuse. Coercive control is a form of psychological abuse, and we talk more about that later on in this booklet.
Economic abuse
Economic abuse is where the abuser uses or misuses money which limits and controls their partner’s life and reduces their freedom of choice. So this could be anything from withholding access to your bank account or racking up debt in your name. Other types of economic abuse includes restricting access to essential resources such as food, clothing or transport, or denying you the right to work.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse is using sex in an exploitative manner or forcing sex on someone else. Previously consenting to sexual activity, or being married or in a relationship does not mean automatic consent. If your partner does, or makes you do, anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and you don’t feel like you can say no, this is abusive behaviour.
Forced marriage
Everyone has the right to make their own decisions about who they marry or when it should be. A forced marriage is is where one or both people do not consent to the marriage, but are made to go ahead with it by their families or community. If your family is threatening you if you don’t go through with a forced marriage, or if you are in a forced marriage, you should contact help immediately.
‘Honour’ based abuse
‘Honour’ based abuse is where families may use the excuse of cultural traditions to control you. Your family may try to embed the idea that there are rules you should adhere to and punish you when you ‘break’ them, but nobody has the right to control or hurt you.
Coercive control
You might have heard this phrase, ‘coercive control’, but what does it actually mean?
It is a much more subtle way of domestic abuse, or at least, that’s how it starts out. It might be a comment about how you’re dressed, or a dislike for your friends. It might be that they want to pick you up from work everyday ‘to make sure you’re safe’, or telling you they don’t like you socialising with friends because they’re worried about what might happen when you’re out.
At first, it might come across like they just want to look after you, but after a while you might change your behaviour so to not upset them. You start walking on eggshells because you don’t want them getting angry. They ask you if you loved them, why do you continue to upset them. They put the blame for their controlling behaviour on you – but it is not your fault, or your problem, it’s theirs.
Below are some examples of coercive control and what an abuser might say or do.
The Law: Coercive control became illegal in 2015, and following the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, the law now covers the behaviour of ex-partners. not all abuse is physical. controlling behaviour like this can be illegal, and you can press charges.
Isolating you from your friends and family
A controlling partner will try to cut you off from friends and family or limit your contact with them so you don’t receive the support you need.
Here are a few ways they do this:
- suggesting shared phone and social media accounts for ‘convenience’
- moving you far away from your family so that it’s hard to visit them
- telling lies about you to others
- monitoring all your phone calls with your family and cutting the line off if anyone tries to intervene
- convincing you that your family or friends hate you and don’t want to talk to you
Name-calling and putting you down
Malicious put-downs, name-calling, and frequent criticisms are all forms of bullying behaviour. They’re designed to make you feel unimportant; inferior and feel bad about yourself.
Abusers are bullies. They want to ruin your self esteem so that you think that you deserve the treatment, and that nobody else would want you. This is a tried and tested tactic they use. Don’t believe them.
Monitoring your activity throughout the day
Abusers can attempt to make themselves present even when they’re not actually with you. They might ring or text you multiple times through the day, drop you off and pick you up from work. They might even use technology to spy on you through cameras, or track your internet usage.
Making jealous accusations
They may complaining about the amount of time you spend with your family and friends, both on and offline. They may also claim that you’re being too flirty or say you’re getting too much attention. This is a way for them to minimize your contact with the outside world and gain more control.
Abusers are bullies. They want to ruin your self esteem so that you think that you deserve the treatment, and that nobody else would want you. This is a tried and tested tactic they use. Don’t believe them.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a common tactic of abusers. This is where they twist things until you feel like you are going crazy. Abusers can lie and manipulate to make you doubt yourself, and then use that doubt against you to control you.
Examples of gaslighting are:
- Making you doubt the reality of what was said
- Blatantly lie and when challenged, lie again to try to cover up their lies
- Blaming you for things that aren’t your fault
- Making you feel like you’re overreacting
- Refuse to acknowledge when they have caused you pain
Some gaslighting things you might hear are:
“You’re overreacting”
“You are so dramatic“
“You’re losing your mind“
“Can you hear yourself?“
Other types of abuse
Harassment and stalking
It’s important to know that stalking is a criminal offence, it is against the law. If you think you are being stalked, you can go to the police and they will take your concerns seriously.
Stalking is a pattern of persistent and unwanted attention that makes you feel pestered, scared, anxious or harassed. Some examples of stalking are:
- regularly giving unwanted gifts
- making unwanted communication
- damaging property
- following you or spying on you
- threats
Taken in isolation, some of the behaviours may seem like small acts, but together they make up a consistent pattern of behaviour that is frightening and upsetting.
We are here for you
If the exact example of the type of abuse you are facing isn’t listed here, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t count – reach out for help and you will be given the support you need. You are not alone.